I feel like absolute garbage about my indebtedness. The sense of shame is overwhelming, especially when I ask myself “How did I let it get this bad?”

I need to reassure myself that, while the cumulative total of my outstanding credit card and payment plan debt may be well into five-figure territory now, it isn't like it's all compounded on the one card. It's split across different cards and plans, each with different interest rates (with some even being interest-free as of right now).

I think I have a fairly good approach to paying back my debts, especially since I overpay quite drastically every month and I never just pay the minimum amounts. I spend money I don't have in order to attempt to tide myself over: The odd treat here and there to make myself feel better. While I am constantly paying off huge chunks, I've managed to begin piling on the debt faster than I can pay it off.

If you're in a similar situation with debt looming over your head, I know it's probably the last thing you want to do but you have got to tackle it head on. Create that spreadsheet tracking your income and your outgoings each month, start budgeting and for crying out loud keep a track of your debts: What you owe, to whom you owe it and how much of your income you can set aside to repay it each month – also bearing in mind interest rates and how much that interest will set you back each month.

I got charged £100 interest alone on one credit card this month. It's an absolute killer.

As long as you're chipping away at it and not spending more each month on credit cards than you're paying back, then you are moving forward. I think it's going to take about a year and a half for me to get out of debt (excluding my student loan, which doesn't really matter) and that's only if I stay committed, focused and disciplined.

It could always be worse. At least I don't have a car, mortgage and/or children. I can afford to set huge chunks of my income aside each month to try and tackle the debt. I think my anxiety surrounding debt really begins to hit hard whenever work stability becomes thrown into question, irrationally so or otherwise...

My OCD loves to tack itself onto nuanced, long-term/long-standing and important topics like that. It makes me desperate for short-term quick fixes where there aren't going to be any: Apart from spending sensibly, keeping a track of everything and continually making small steps forwards: Day in, day out...

Talking about it on here helps. At least I'm not bringing anyone around me down while I go around and around in circles trying to piece together whether I'm going to be okay. My mind quickly panics about the prospect of debt management agencies, IVAs, bankruptcy, CCJs & the dreaded bailiffs.

I need to remember they would only become a real threat if I did the irresponsible thing and buried my head in the sand. Nobody ever tackled their debt by retreating and curling up into the false sense of security of denial. I'm paying it back, I'm making progress... albeit slowly.

I'll get out of debt one day. I'm making a promise to myself now, with you as a witness: When I pay off all my credit card and payment plan debt, that is the end of it. I will never buy anything on credit ever again.

I mean, I'd take out a mortgage for a house... but you know what I meant. No more financing fucking pizzas, mobile phones or sunny getaway holidays. No more wasteful AliExpress hauls, pointless 'digital goods' or treating myself to gimmicks that bring me a dopamine rush for all of five minutes after they arrive, to then quickly become destined to cluttering up my flat for the rest of their life before being tossed in the bin.

No more of this incessant, unceasing, perpetual cycle of consumption. I want to get over this sickness and never look back. ___ Tags:

#consumerism #debt #money #finances #worries #anxiety #stress #finance #creditcard #income #outgoings #budget #budgeting #consumption #consume #blog #indebtedness